half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
