It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
