it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize