And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
