You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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