It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
