so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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