I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
