On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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