Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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