he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
