you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
