Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
