I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
