Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
