do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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