He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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