youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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