As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
