Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
