It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize