As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
