just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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