My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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