you didnt know i had herpes?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize