The maid of honor just puked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
