i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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