how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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