There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
