You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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