I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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