I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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