grandma shit on top of the toilet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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