it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
