Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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