Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
