# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
