my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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