my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
