i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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