I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
