im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
