Please, let me fuck your mom
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
