somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
