Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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