It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
