the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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