Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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