Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
even my farts smell like vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
