Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
as a side note pls kill me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize