My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
