1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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