he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
