my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im part way to drunk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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