if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
