so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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