Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
