Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
