So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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