o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
