My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
