They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
