Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
