This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
