Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize