She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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