Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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