ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
