My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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