I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
