i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize