He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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