You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
