I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize