I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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