I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
