I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
