ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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