Your face is a jimmy john
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
