he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
