Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
