I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
