Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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