Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize