I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
