I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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