Umm I'm too high to move.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
