There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
