what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
