The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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