i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
