Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
