when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
