Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize