no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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