Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
