Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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