I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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