his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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