Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
