sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
