I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
