I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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