Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Actions speak louder than pants.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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