the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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