Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
