you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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