**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
