apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
