3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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