How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
