Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
