Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
