You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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