party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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