I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
