when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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