If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
