So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
